Of Broken Dreams...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone...

Funny how things goes around in this world. If you want to start something you gotta have a backup plan. In other words, your financial status needs to be well, top notch. Truth is, whenever you want to start a business, continue your studies and all, you need money.

I came from not to say poor but not that rich either family and i know what its like having nothing. Eating a piece of cheese tart was already considered a luxury for me. As i got older, i realize that i need to do something about my life. Growing up watching my classmates having fun and get to do what they want, its sort of a little depressing but I understand my circumstances very well. That's why i don't like asking money from my folks. Even when my friend asked me to hang out with them, its either a can do or stay at home like i always do. No need to ask about my social life since i don't really experience much.

The thing is, recently, i had a talk with my mother about continuing my studies. I recently finished my degree and for the very first time i wanted to actually do something i want. Not something that my folks expected me to do. Three years ago i gave up my one and only dream to learn medicine and healthcare management. It broke my heart completely . I understand that the reason was they also do not have any financial means to help me. That i accept and so began my road of broken dreams. In the end i took the degree that i hated the most (something that they want me to do).

Three years later, i finished my degree and was thinking of furthering my studies. The thoughts of learning medicine and healthcare management still lingers in my head. It never left. I got the chance to learn them first hand when i was undergoing my internship at a local hospital a few months ago. I remember the time when my supervisor as well as some of the lecturers from the faculty frowned upon my place of choice. I don't care. Why the healthcare sector? they asked. Some say it's like walking in a lion's den and signing a death contract but to me, it's not really. It's another exciting thing in life waiting to be explore.

Being a person that likes challenges and can work under pressure, everyday was exciting. True the workload wasn't easy. Majoring in other degree besides medicine or healthcare management, tackling the work was a struggle itself. But, because its something that i love, I was able to learn everything in a short span amount of time. As days go by, there was always something new to learn and explore. I got lucky... I was content and lucky enough to be able to learn everything that there is to know about the hospital, how a hospital works, how it runs and how the management of the hospital was managed. I was happy and I never felt so content with everything. Simply to say, I fell in love the idea of healthcare management and medicine even more.  I like working in the healthcare sector.I always knew i was destined for this type of profession and i found what i want to do and my dream job.

After i finished my internship, i took the guts and expressed my feelings to my folks about taking a second degree but something related to healthcare. As usual, the pep talk begins and i do have to say, some of it were right but some were just plain negative talking. At the rate that this family was going, we don't have money or any other means. My brother and sister are starting their semester early this month and the their fees are not cheap. To stay alive, they did a few business such as selling food from door to door at their hostel. I use to do that during my diploma days just to get by.

I told my folks that i will get a job first and save for continuing my studies later. The thing is, they do not understand. They said that i need to come back to reality. Good Lord...I'm not crazy mom, dad. I'm still that sane daughter of yours okay. They want me to stay home and find work here and if i wanted to continue my studies, they want me to study at the local university here as well. How can i achieve my dreams if they're too afraid and don't want to let me go and explore the world? They're always nag me to explore the world and achieve my dreams but when i do they protest and says that i should just stay home and find work here. Majoring in healthcare and medicine IS my dream and i really, really want to do it. Just because they didn't get to achieve theirs that doesn't mean that they have the right to destroy mine. They destroyed my life once and I don't want to be like them NO!

I'm torn with achieving my dreams and what my folks want. I don't want to upset them but i don't want to give up my dreams either. For once, i want to achieve my goal. The broken one, the one they told me to forsake.... 

If it's about money they're worried about, I can work my way hard in order to save up or even apply for scholarships. I'll do what it takes to fix our financial issues. Nothing is impossible and nothing is unattainable. There's always a way. One just need to know the right road to take. I know they're worried and all but how can i grow if they don't trust me to do things by myself? How can i make them understand? For once, i really want them to support me in this...

It's been a long day and i'm so tired. Literally, my brain is with all the thinking... 
till next time. (-_-.)....

Ya Allah, Engkau lembutkanlah hati kedua-dua ibu dan ayah... 

Moga redha mereka terhadapku mampu membuatku mencapai impian yang dikehendaki....