Ever wonder if you are actually doing the right thing in life?
I do... lots of time... countless...
As I countdown for the coming of the last month of the year 2015, i cannot help but think of the things that i have achieved so far.... so far... none...
for nearly 8 years my life has been prepared for me and i have to do what i am told to do, literally all my life....
To tell you the truth... i don't like it. I don't like it one bit....
Ever since i started this road i felt like i'm beginning to be something that i don't want to... It's like living in my diploma days.. again.... I hate it. In fact, i'm restricted to do the things that i want to do. I'm passionate about the things i know i can do better and good at. Sadly, my folks & family are not the supportive type of people. Whenever i try to do something I want they held me back. What are you guys afraid of? I'm not doing something illegal. I'm doing something that i love and passionate about. Is that so weird? It's not, its call creativity and innovation. I don't care. I love doing it. Even if it kills me I love doing it and if Allah wills it for me, i want it to be a career.
All my life i have to do what they want. I know they mean well but don't they think that i ought to choose this path in life for myself instead of them meddling literally in almost every choices that i make. In the end I became insecure and ended up doing what they want me to do instead of doing what i want. They expect people like me to be like all the smart, classy and elegant type of youngsters. Study a good degree and get a good job that will give you money. What they don't understand is not all of us have gifted brains and not all of us are lucky in life. I have bad, horrible, no good days almost every day.... It sucks... (-___-)...
Because of all of that... I feel tired to the part that i am lost. Not lost as in the streets but more to lost in life... I don't know what to do anymore and which road i need to take... I'm in my 6 semester to my agony an extended student.
I am so tired of them telling that I should, no, i must do this, i must do that. I feel like i'm living a life that is not mine. Mother, Father.. i know you mean well but i think i am very much grown up to do my own decisions. I am no longer a little child but a grown person. it make me sad that they don't trust me the way i trust them....
Watching all my fellow friends and acquaintance graduated, get a job as well as do what they love and success at it make me feel so envious of them. All my life my parents never really did teach me how to live but only expect me to do what I am told.
Don't you guys understand? i cannot do that. The thing is, too long i follow what you want and for goodness sake, I had to give up my own dreams. I have dreams and i have hope in it. I want to be successful in doing what i want to do. I know so because its something that i am happy to deal with and i know that it will be successful. With Allah's help and guidance, i know i can achieve something great.
At least before i reach 30++ i want to do something that i know i can do well ... I just wish they understand... not turning me into something that I don't want to be...
I overcome many things till i got this far all because of you... Because i don't want to disappoint you i ended up disappointing myself and did not do well in the end. I fail hideously... I felt i'm beginning to suffer from depression day by day. My dream is starting to feel like it's slipping away. I don't want that! I too want to be happy and led my life the way i want it to be. All i want is to do what i want instead of what you want.
Don't you want to see me happy?
Don't you want to see me successful?
I wish you support me..
I wish you understand...
I wish you let me do what i want to do...
I wish you give me your blessings..
but most of all...
I wish you pray for the best of me as i pray for the best for you...
