I see, I hear, I write...: Days with you.....

Assalamu'Alaikum & a very Good day every one....

Sorry for not updating for a while. First of all, I would like to wish Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin to all muslims who is celebrating Hari Raya..(-.-,) May Allah Taa'la bless us during this month of Syawal & may this month brings many good tidings to all....

Many things have happen during the Ramadhan month and it prologue until now. I had to go on a hiatus for a quite a while due to many reasons. Few of them was because my grandmother's health was deteriorating...It's a bit sad actually because she passed away last moth.....

My life has never been colorless until she passed away.... Being the last person to nurse her and to feed her, i left a mark in my broken heart. I always take turns with my family to nurse her. Forgive me if i'm wrong but teenagers or young adults these days probably think that taking care or nurse the elderly is a burden. Its not. Never!. I enjoy taking care of my late grandmother the most....

I miss her, i really really miss her. During weekends, my family would always visited her. I usually can't because always stuck with campus activities. Everytime when she is admitted to the hospital, i always volunteer to take care of her. Because i am always in campus and my class schedule is pretty tight, that's why i always take this opportunity to be with her. The day before she died, i was reluctant to go to class. The class was quite important because its one of the final subject before i can graduate. The topics covered that day was really important. That morning, i bought her some porridge that i bought from the shop inside the hospital. Didn't think that was actually her last meal... She enjoyed it..

I told her that i don't want to go but she said that i must go. Her love for knowledge is endless and that is one of the very few things she reminded to us before she died. She told me to study and go to class. As i waited for my mother to arrive and pick me up, the doctors and nurses arrive to check up on her. Its not that i hate them but the way they place the branula here and there trying to search for blood flow really made my heart fall into pieces. Hey! THAT'S MY GRANDMA YOU PLACE THE BRANULA AT!!. How can i not be sad. I was silently crying from afar as i watch them do their work. I cannot take it anymore. I wanted to stop them very much but if not, who knows what can happen. My late grandmother's hand were swelling at that time. they had to change it but they could not find any blood flow.

My mother came after that. I went to class with a heavy heart. I took a peek at her from the outside to make sure that she's well asleep. That was the last time i saw her in that state before she was transferred near the front desk. The sound of laughter and happiness in class made my heart even more tense as i cannot focus as my thoughts were only toward her. Is she doing well? is she sleeping? are the doctors putting inserting the needles and other medicine to her? what if they did it wrongly? ARGHHHHH! somebody hit me please!!!!!

My class finishes at four but my mother finishes her work at six. So, we headed down to the spring to break our fast. I was in the middle of eating my food when i receive a phone call from my cousin that my grandmother was gravely ill. We quickly rushed to the hospital as soon as possible. I did not care about my food anymore. My grandmother was my top priority. As i arrived at the hospital the guards held me off as visiting time is over. I accidentally blasted my anger to them and said, "Excuse me! but my grandmother is dying up there!!! Let me through!!!".

My family and relatives stayed at the hospital that night. We take turns as we go along. I did not stop reciting Surah Yassin to her. We whispered the kalimah shahadah. One thing though came across my mind, it was last ten days of Ramadhan. All that i can say is, her death was a blessed one from Allah Taa'la. She died during the month of Ramadhan, exactly within the last ten nights of Ramadhan month. I went back home at nearly three fifteen. My uncle stayed at the hospital to look after her.

I was so tired and my body was aching. I did not want to go to sleep but my eyes were already giving hints and warnings. That morning, only me and my mother went to the hospital as it was our shift. Many relatives came, including my sister's roommate's father. ( We actually know that she was related to us last semester! How could we not know?) My sister's roommate's grandmother is my late grandmother's elder sister. Talk about family tree. I've known her for three years and only now i know her as my second cousin.(((O_O)))...
At 11:00 her heart beat began to go below 30. I dread that the most. It was getting lower and lower by the hour. We never stopped reciting and whisper the Kalimah Syahadah to her.

What happened is the will of Allah and to him we will return....

At 12:30 p.m. 11th of August 2012, my beloved grandmother passed away. It was sad to let her go. Even today, I can still feel her around me. The colors around me started to fade. She was my world and a wonderful companion. I love her with all my heart. One thing that I'm glad about is she died in a very peaceful way. Her face was calm..very calm and it looked like she was smiling down upon us. She was buried after the asar prayers. Luckily, the funeral finished early because it started to rain.

All that has happened was quite a bang for me. The day after my grandmother died, my grandparents from my father's side will be going to perform their umrah and will be back after raya. Such a lonely raya this year is....

On the first day of Hari Raya, My family went to visit the grave of my families that have gone before us. Something odd but rather happy actually.... After my cousin visited my grandmother's grave along the way before she went to her parents grave, she saw a small yellow butterfly. What amazed us is that small butterfly appeared inside my late grandmother's bedroom on her bed. We guessed that it must've followed us along the way. My cousin said that when a small butterfly came inside your house it means that a loved one is coming. Wallahualam....My aunt says that my grandmother wanted so much to celebrate Hari Raya with all of us and i think she did. The butterfly flew all around the room and then landed on my mother's shoulder. after that it landed on my aunt and then flew all around my sister's head. Hehe..she's happy....:')

Being the last person to take care of her was a memory that i will carry with me till the end. My late grandmother was a wonderful woman and no one can replace her. My days with her is one of the memories i will keep with me in my heart. Her last wish for me is to be a better person. Do not be unjust and never do evil things. Always be humble and care for others. Besides that, she wants us to be proactive and fast and do not be cheated by time... She's always cared for others and is a great motivator. I pray that may Allah Taa'la bless her soul and may Allah Taa'la place her among the pious people...Goodbye grandma

Al-Fatihah....