Thursday, February 6, 2014

Something given is something i cannot have....

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone...(-_-)...



Last week, the result for the application continuation of study for UiTM degree came out. Alhamdulillah I made it! I was offered to study Degree in Health Administration in UiTM Puncak Alam Campus. Ever since I was in my semester four, i have been eyeing on that course. It's a field that's definitely suits me well. I love anything related to health and medicine but my major is more towards management and administration. So yes, this course offers both. By the time if I finish i can apply work in any hospitals, clinics, health organization or insurance company. It has been a dream of mine to work in a hospital really... :) 

....Sadly....

Something that i wanted that is already given to me is something that i can never have. You see, because the course that was offered to me is in Shah Alam, my parents sort of disapprove of me going there. I think mainly is because we don't have enough money to support me. A lot of my friends said that if i want to study away from my homeland i must have a really stable financial background.... (sigh)... Well... there goes another dream...shattered...(-.-)....

Money has always been the root of my problems. (sigh....)  Ah well... blom ada rezeki namanya. Even if my heart wanted so much to continue my study in that field, i had to turn down the offer anyway. A few days ago has been quite a torment to my mind as i am torn between my own will and my parents. If  I chose to go with my plan and accept this offer then I'll be burdening my family. 

My mother usually looks up to me to settle things right at home and take care of my younger siblings. They have their own worries and other mouths at home to feed plus to take care of. Even with backup such as scholarships I still think it's gonna be hard. A relative of mine had recently told my mom that her son had to quit studying because they could not afford to pay the study bill. It was just to high. I knew her son as we graduated on the same graduation ceremony together recently. I don't want to be a burden anymore to my parents.... ='(

I thought about it a lot and it really pains me to let it go... but i had to let it go. Even if going there and studying the course benefits me but if its a burden to my family.. then that's not good at all. My eldest sister is currently still studying degree in marketing, my little sister had just started her computer skill course and my little brother is still in school and they need help more than I do. 

I'm sad actually... because something that is given to me is something that i can never have.... 

Ya Allah... Kuatkanlah semangat dan hati ku untuk redha dgn keadaan. Gantikanlah yang telah hilang dengan yang lebih baik dan tetapkanlah hati kami dalam kesyukuran....Amin...


Not all is bad.... I believe that letting something go is sometimes a good thing. Who knows? barang kemungkinan besar Allah ada prepare something yang lagi bagus utk kita.... =) Wallahualam.... I don't want to dwell in sadness for there's so many other things to do. Look on the bright side, I still get to help my parents and take care of my family and that's a good thing. =) My parents asked me if I could switch courses. I think that's not possible but there is a chance that it might be impossible as well. X pa.. coba jak. Kalau x coba kita x kan tau.. kan?? I hope it can because the way I see it, if all goes ill, I have to turn down the offer anyway....  Well, that's all from me right now. In Shaa Allah, I try my best to write often. Till then dear readers... =)

Wasalamualaikum....

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Zia - Even If It's Only a Dream (Jang Ok Jung OST)

Assalamualaikum & Good day everyone...

Somehow i can't get this song out of my head. This one's the english translation though and i do have to say i guess it's the lyrics that got me attached to it... so here goes..



 
Zia - Even If It's Only a Dream (Jang Ok Jung OST)


Though I close my eyes, I can see you because the wind tells me
Your scent softly lingers around the steps you took before
Now…


Though I miss you, I smile
Because at the tip of my hands – no, throughout my heart,
Your lingering touch makes me live

I want to see you even if it’s in my dreams so I call out to you
Where are you? Do you even know of me?
All day, I call and call out to you
Can’t you hear it? This painful love
I send my heart along with the wind
I am by your side and I am waiting
Only for you


Things you can’t control
Yes, love is like that too
I fell down so many times
The scars don’t have time to heal
I want to see you even if it’s in my dreams so I call out to you
Where are you? Do you even know of me?
 

All day, I call and call out to you
Your voice lingers around me
I miss you, I miss you, your breath, those memories
They make me breathe
Again today, I live for love

 

Even if it’s in my dreams, if only we can be together
Under the same sky, just once more
If only we can be happy
 

I have nothing more to ask, even if it’s in my dreams
Can’t you hear it? This painful love
I send my heart along with the wind
I am by your side and I am waiting
Forever

Monday, January 6, 2014

A New Year...... 2014

Assalamualaikum & Good day to everyone (^_^)

Here and back again...........

It's been a while since i last updated in this blog of mine. Forgive me for not updating so long. Actually I don't have any computer or lap top with me. My sister need to use the lap top for her notes and assignments. I tried borrowing my little sister's lap top but she's not letting me borrowing them because she needs to watch all the korean drama that she had missed watching while she was still in the exams.

2013 has been a wild ride for me. Oh, I almost forgot. After all the hard work, the stresses, the good the bad and everything else... I am relive to say that i have finally graduated. (^_^) It was such a happy moment for me that i could crack smile to death. I am so relived actually because it too me a long time to get to where I am right now. To tell you the truth, i nearly could not make it to the ceremony due to some financial problems but all is well in the end. A former colleague of mine during my practical days was also graduating and we had the pleasure of taking some pictures together =D 


How do you pick up the threads of an old life when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back....

~frodo baggins LOTR~


The last six years nothing has ever been easy. Heck, my life was never an easy one. I struggle a lot in class in order to catch up with others. I'm sometimes labeled as slow learner. At times it does hurt and yeah it did made me feel a little embarrasing but for the sake of finishing my studies and to achieve my goals, i shove all the negative comments and bad words from people aside.  Those are just trials that helps me to grow along the way. There are others that have been very helpful and i thank them from the bottom of my heart. I pray that may they all be successful people one day..=)

New year is here and what's the resolution you say? Well... Actually... i have never ever made any initiative to lose my weight. So, for this year, i really, really want to burn all the fat and hopefully i can lose some weight. Being 98 KG isn't something to be proud of. I am tired of being fat and i will be slim. (>.<) I want to lead a healthy life and be able to do many activities. Moreover, i want to help my parents. I want to be able take care of them when they're old. I want to fight the feelings and temptations of food because i love my life. 

Apart from that, i pray that may this year will be a good year for me. I have nothing to expect in life except to live in content and a life filled with happiness here in this world and the hereafter. Although its kinda late for me to wish this but still... 


Happy New year!!
My wish to all us that may this year 2014 brings all of us many great memories, happiness and success ahead

(^_________________^)

Till then dear readers.... Ciao! =)


Thursday, September 19, 2013

My week with grandparents and children...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone (^_^)

It's been awhile since i wrote here in this blog of mine. Without the aid of internet and most of all a computer it's a no wonder why i can't update my blog. My siblings always used the computer and yeah, i've pretty much did not get a chance to update my blog.

As usual, the view from where i stand is dull. Only last week it's a good one. Mother bought me and my family to the hotel to see the fireworks and decorated boats in conjunction for the Hari Malaysia previously held here in Sarawak. I did not get to go to the waterfront though due to the rain that night but no worries, there's live broadcast on the TV. I can see the boats from my hotel window. The boats are beautifully decorated plus i think they did a great job for this year's Hari Malaysia celebration.

Aside from that, I've been unemployed for the past nearly 6 month. (Sigh).... Well, it's not easy to find a job. I've been looking through here and there plus sign up for various positions in various job seeking website. So far, no reply and no luck... I told myself that i cannot give up now. there's still 3 more months before the start of a 2014. If that does not work, I'll continue my studies. that was the plan. I send my resume here and there but it seems that there's no vacancy yet. No worries, I'll get by...

All in all, i hope all things go well for me and my family. Grandmother is not feeling well and her maid goes back to her hometown that week. To add to my loneliness, mother and father is away and they're still in Kuala Lumpur.  They will be attending my little sister's graduation performance which will be held in Seremban. Oh, forgot, the other week ago, my little sister had just finished her SPM production. She and all her friends were great during the play. I'll upload the pictures soon. I can't upload them yet because it was stored inside another computer that my sister used. She's still in campus by the way.  I'll upload them later. =)

So practically, with no driving license, i'm stuck here at my grandparents home. But, it's okay. When her maid was away, i became the temporary maid and help with all the heavy chores and daily works that needs to be done everyday. Not only that, My house was also in need of a look out and cleaning. I have to take care of both houses (my own home as well as my grandparents). Although the work was tiring but i think it was a good training. Besides, I'm used to the cooking and cleaning, and babysitting thing. Plus, among all the grandchildren of the house, i think i spend more time with my grandparents more then their own did as well as the other grandchildren.

Truth be told, this week made me feel i'm practically a married person. Hoho, Scary lah! (>_<) With kids and toddlers running, playing, making huge messes that got my voice in nearly high mode plus, to give me more headache they're all male. (sigh) All four of them are tough to handle. Who said it was easy handling four sons anyway? sometimes they can make me go completely nuts like i want to pull my hair but But still i enjoyed their fun filling company in every way and i also learned a lot from them. The best part about them is they're very much interested with history. Kids these days don't often love history but wow, this one does. I'm very surprised with that when the eldest one flipping through the pages of history books of a form 3 students (belonged to my little brother). He came to me and ask a lot, i mean a lot of question regarding history. A challenge i gladly answer to him in the form of a story.

In his eyes, i can see that he began to understand things and that is crucial. If a child ask you questions, never be afraid to answer. This is because their brains are learning. We need to encourage them to explore their surroundings in order for them to gain knowledge. No children is ever stupid. They are bright and talented in their own way. Some parents are just ignorant of their children's well being and education. Remember, we are once a children too and the feeling that they have in them, we once had it too. That is why education at home plays very, very important role. It is important for not only parents, but every single man and woman in this good earth must equip themselves with knowledge and experience on family matters. If you have kids of your own one day, with the knowledge and experience you have things will go smooth. Believe me as I've been through one.

One of the few things i learn is being a parent is never an easy task, especially for the children of this generation. It's a real job. Children are innocent and they are every parents greatest asset. They're always curious with their surroundings and tend to follow what people do. Teach them the good way, seriously, they'll make you the proudest person in the world.. but more importantly, teach them with great patience, love and care..

"Didiklah anak-anakmu itu berlainan dengan keadaan kamu sekarang kerana mereka telah dijadikan Tuhan untuk zaman yang bukan zaman engkau" - Umar al Khattab.


I'll continue my job hunting. If all goes well, i might get hired. In Shaa Allah. Well, i'd better be going. I got some work to do. Don't worry, I'll write soon. Till then dear readers..=) Moga Allah merahmati anda selalu (^_^)

Wasalamualaikum wbt

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Of Drawings & Anime...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Dear Readers (^_^)

Today's post is all about artworks. Both of us looooovvvveeeesss Drawing. (-.-,).. basically we drew almost anything. But most of all we love drawing anime. We started drawing at a very young age, around 4 years old like that. Drawing is a part of our passion & one of the ways we use to express ourselves. Although i lov writing very much but my strong point lies with drawing and designing. Mah, enough said.. i'll let the pictures do all the talking.

Enjoy =)

Sister's Artworks (http://ikemenprince90.deviantart.com/)

The recent drawing she posts. Eren (^_^)


I drew this a long time ago when i was still in university =) yah, i want to eat bread already..
This one is probably the challenging one that I've ever attempted to draw. Took me a month to draw . This is only half of it.. =) When it comes to drawing buildings & furniture i like using the good old simple paint tool... =) I believe a true artist can work with anything he/she can use as a tool to create a great masterpiece... =)

Monday, July 29, 2013

Ramadhan at the Hospital

Assalamualaikum & Good Day dear readers (^_^)...

It's been a while since i wrote something in this little blog of mine. A lot has happened lately during this month of Ramadhan. We are nearing the end of Ramadhan as we know, so, i hope all of you are all geared up for the hunt of Malam Lailatul Qadar.(^_^). I wish you all the best and may Allah SWT bless all of you.

During the middle of Ramadhan, (last week) I accompany my grandmother (the one on my father's side) at the hospital. She was schedule to undergo for angioplasty. Angioplasty, what i am told is a technique of widening narrowed or obstructed arteries. They use this kind of a balloon catheter to get through the narrowed position and then inflated to a suitable size using water pressure (something like that).  This is to ensure that the vessels remains open and will allow for blood circulation to flow normally. Previously during the month of May, she was admitted due to health problems. She is a diabetes carrier and yeah, it does bother me at times.
Le Hospital
the long hallway to the vascular ward

Grandma sleeping

The view from where i sit
Ramadhan at the Hospital.... it brings me back memories... because, last year i also spent half my Ramadhan at the Hospital when my late grandmother (the one on my mother's side) was still alive. Although it saddens me a little but still, I try to be calm. Grandma was admitted to the vascular ward on level 3. A lot of my family members never really like going to the Hospital but not me. I love the Hospital very much because it holds many memories of me and my late grandmother plus, my late grandfather (the one on my mother's side) was once an attendant. I guess i picked up my love of the Hospital very much from them huh?(-.-,)..

I'm always curious about how things are and yes, just about everything. The Hospital is also one of them. Believe me, I got a chance to secretly explore a little bit of this and a little bit of that during my time inside the hospital. Grandma (the one on my father's side) was schedule to undergo her angioplasty on Thursday. She had to come early so she was admitted on Tuesday so that the doctors and nurses can prepare for the procedure perfectly in time. Besides, she had to get her blood, sugar level and also other things concern, checked. My cousin and her mom were with us there. Because the vascular ward was situated near the Paediatric ICU only a few people may come in. They're even strict about visiting hours because only  one or two people can go in to see the patient. The reason is if too many people come in they might disturb other patients who needs their rest.

It was a long wait for one bed to become vacant. Due to the increasing number of patients, we were facing problems because during that time no beds were vacant. Luckily, one of the patients was schedule to be discharge that day so all matters solved =) The interesting part about the ward to me is i get to see many things, particularly patients and their illness. I'm curious about that too. The patient in front of my grandmother was suffering from heart problems while the one next  her was going to undergo for dialysis the very next day. The nurses during the morning and afternoon shift are all very helpful and friendly people. I enjoy their company and i also learned a thing or two about how to insert the branula for the water drip. (^_^)...

Watching how the nurse place the branula. Serious, i'm not scared.. =)

Grandma's doctor and the matron in front

You see, being in the hospital gives me a great sense of how content a person should be. Health is a very important gift from Allah SWT. This is because, without it how can you run your daily activities? in worst cases, it may affect your dakwah.... Ingat 5 perkara sebelum 5 perkara... That is why, prevention is better than cure. You have to have a healthy lifestyle if you want to succeed in this lifetime. Without a good body you are just like a soul floating here and there, even if you have a body to begin with. Allah SWT already gave you brains to think and to decide. The rest is up to us to choose what is right and know what is wrong for us. May he continue to guide us to the righteous path, the path where His blessing lies within. Amin...

Back to the story, on thursday grandma was schedule to go to the operation theater in the afternoon. I had trouble sleeping because it was soooo uncomfortable since i had to sleep on the floor. Not to mention the vascular ward is fully air conditioned. Eeek! soooo cold (>_<).... Serves me right for not bringing extra thick socks. I couldn't sleep during the night because the baby on the next ward kept on crying so i decided to do some writing instead. Morning comes and i was too sleepy that i swear the some of the doctors and nurses probably giggled as they saw how i slept with my head on a small pillow leaning against the cupboard. Gosh! that was embarrassing (-_-'')...

I tried to stay awake so got up and told grandma that i needed to get some fresh air. I walked here and there all around the hospital (to get rid of the sleepiness within). I got to see another perspective of the places i set my foot at. I looked through the glass door near the front counter of the hospital and saw a lot of people queuing and awaiting their turn for their names to be called. I guess they must have come for appointments and all. (-.-,). I walked around the clinic, passed a few grocery shops and pharmacy until i then seated To myself near the ward building entrance.

To tell you the truth, i sometimes feel a little calm when i am at the hospital more than i am at home. I'm so very fascinated with everything i see and learn to the part it got me to continue writing my manuscript back (despite having no table or computer with me). Good thing i bought  along my small book in my hand bag. It's important for me to get and gain as much information and experience as possible so that i can pour them all into my writings. Besides that, it's a good way as well for me to perfecting my drawing and writing skills. I love drawing what i see and what i experience. During the past weeks i was so stuck up inside my house and I guess, i seemed to have lost my muse for a while back then and  i guess being in the hospital made it alive once more. Hmm... me and my writings (^_^) I called it a writer's paradise

Writing, and more writing

I still remember, because it was near to sahur time, i did not buy or made anything to eat.(0_0) I decided to venture walk outside alone to buy some food at the hospital department store situated downstairs. The hallway and the road that reaches the elevator was so quiet that it can send chill down to the spine. Next to the elevator was a long and dark road to the cancer ward. The cold temperature of the wee hours of the morning nearly made me having brain freeze. There was no one there except me. It was scary but i kept myself calm. Come to think of it, it was pretty of a suspense experience actually ;) I go down and ate some porridge for sahur. Alhamdulillah, all praises is to Allah SWT. My grandmother's operation went well and she's back at home and looking healthy. She nags a lot too, hehe.  I am content with what i have and very much thankful to Him for all the things that happened so far. I get to learn and see how a dressing was conducted by the nurse too. I took a picture of my grandmother's wound but its unwise for me to post the photo here.

during the specialist & other doctors ward round. Uncle and aunt paid a visit :)

The discharge pharmacy. just recently known about it though :) ouh, I see raya decorations is in place

Anyways, that's all that i could write for now. I have to go and help my little sister doing her art project in which will be handed tomorrow morning.  In Shaa Allah, I'll try to update soon.. till then dear readers =)

Wasalamualaikum

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Ahlan Ya Ramadhan... =)

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Dear Readers (^_^)




Alhamdulillah, All praises to Allah for He has given the chance for us to meet the blessed month, the month of Ramadhan. I take this opportunity to wish all Muslimin & Muslimah all around the world no matter far or near, Selamat Menyambut Ibadah Ramadhan (Happy Blessed Ramadhan). Now, I know that fasting (Puasa) might be hard for some people but believe me, that's the joy of it. 

Ramadhan is not only about fasting  from dawn to sunset but Ramadhan holds a more deeper meaning. Allah SWT made fasting during the month of Ramadhan an obligation to us. As stated in the Holy Qur'an:

The month of Ramadhan is that in which was revealed in the Qur’an, guidance for mankind, and a clear proofs of guidance, and the criterion (of right and wrong). And whoever so you is present, let him fast a month, and whoever so you is sick on a journey or a number of days, Allah desires for you to ease; He desires not hardships for you, and that you should complete the period, and that you should magnify Allah for having guided you and that perhaps you may be thankful
(Surah Al-Baqarah: 185)

Ramadhan is about the improvement of one self in their worship to Allah SWT. When Ramadhan begins, the gate of Jannah (Paradise) are opened and the gates of Hell are closed. Take this opportunity to improve ourselves to become a better person, cleansed our heart and soul by involving ourselves plus, do good deeds to gain (Pahala) by doing various activities such as learn more about Ramadhan, the beauty and benefits of it, joining the tarawih prayers, recite the Qur'an, give charity, wake up in the middle of the night and perform solat Tahajjud. Oh,  and take the opportunity to perform Solat Sunat Hajat as well (^_^) but mostly, do these things to gain the blessings from Allah SWT. May our worship to Him, Allah SWT blessed.

You can apply this tips for your mission in complete reading the whole Qur'an (^_^)
One of the wonderful things about the month of Ramadhan is it's a good chance for us to clear your mind from all the unwanted clutters in life and fill them with nothing but good things. Do what it takes for us to organize ourselves during this holy month such as, keeping works in order, stay energized by organizing a healthy lifestyle and make your time for Allah. Believe me, you'll be amazed by the results later on.

Another interesting thing about Ramadhan is the nights of a thousand nights, The Lailatul Qadr. (^_^) Lailatul Qadar is the nights of all nights better than a thousand months. It's also is the day where our Prophet Muhammad SAW receives the very first revelations of the Qur'an send by Allah SWT  through the Angle Jibril (Peace be upon him). There is no specific dates on when will Lailatul Qadr night will appear. Mostly it is on one of the odd nights. Wallahualam.  Anyways, you can take this opportunity to wake up at night and pray to Allah SWT. Who knows? You might just be lucky that you might come across the nights of a thousand nights.(O.O,)



Verily! We have sent it (this Qur'an) down in the night of Al-Qadr (Decree)

And what will make you know what the night of Al-Qadr (Decree) is?

The night of Al-Qadr (Decree) is better than a thousand months 
.
Therein descend the angels and the Ruh [Jibrael (Gabriel)] by Allah's Permission with all Decrees,

Peace! (All that night, there is Peace and Goodness from Allah to His believing slaves) until the appearance of dawn.

(Surah Al-Qadr: 1 - 5)

Allah SWT does not burden his servants. For those who cannot fast (Those who are ill to the extreme, women who are having their period, pregnant ladies or nursing mums, patients that are sick with an incurable disease, can also do their part. You still have the power of Doa. Never forget that... Allah SWT hears your prayers more than you know it. You can do your part by doing many various good deeds or activities aside fasting such as feeding the poor, do charity, dakwah and all things that can gain the blessings of Allah SWT.

Selamat Menyambut Ibadah Puasa. Bersihkan hati sucikan diri Tingkatkan Iman dan segala amal ibadah untuk meraih sebuah dunia dan akhirat yang berjaya. Semoga segala amal ibadah kita pada bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ini diterimaNya sekaligus mendapat keredhaan, kemuliaan dan rahmat darinya.. Amin Ya Rabb...

Till then dear readers... Wasalamualaikum...=)