To the important person I come across in life…

The first time we met was at an unlikely place to find love. The second time we encounter each other you saw the worst state of me. Yet, you’re not bothered by it. I guess that’s what I like about you. After that I never saw you again. Four years later, our paths come each other across once more. I thought I had strayed into a dream but it turns out this moment… was for real. One glance changes everything… I tell Allah that it’s okay that I don’t get a chance to talk or… be friends with you. I just want to see you...

Allah works in many mysterious ways and His plans are unknown to us. All in all, I am glad to see you again. My days were numbered and I know time here to where you are is limited. Every day, I prayed to get the chance to see you… whether it was during lunch break or going back from work. I wanted to get the chance to know you and probably talk to you. Well, that moment never came. Who can tell what goes on in the future… I rest my love to Allah.  He knows what’s best for us than we know of it ourselves. You and I were from different backgrounds and faith. It broke my heart. Still, the feeling never left. The day for me to leave arrived. I searched for you… hoping to get the chance to see you again. For one last time… I don’t know if there will ever be the chance for me to see you again and to tell you so here it is. You had me at the second time four years ago. You never have left my heart ever since.

Though you never noticed me, I was always there… praying for you. To me, you were the best thing that happens in my life and I’m glad to be able to meet you again and fell in love with you. Meeting you again, I was able to learn the meaning of love and letting love go… Love is a peculiar thing… yet, it becomes the thing that everyone desires. If it was meant to be, love will find its way back to you. If it isn’t, then pray to Allah that may your heart be at ease…. My dear, I hope you found what you’re looking for and I pray that May life treats you well… I wish you all the luck in the world… I pray that may both of us get the love and happiness we deserve.

Should… your path connect with someone else… I pray that may she loves you more than me. Although I might not be the soulmate that Allah chose for you, I hope the woman whose gonna be your soulmate never makes you sad. Love is all about responsibilities and connection. Love her with all your heart and learn to accept the good and the bad things about her.  Support each other during the worst of times, the good times and the happiest of times. 

May Allah bless….

Of Broken Dreams...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone...

Funny how things goes around in this world. If you want to start something you gotta have a backup plan. In other words, your financial status needs to be well, top notch. Truth is, whenever you want to start a business, continue your studies and all, you need money.

I came from not to say poor but not that rich either family and i know what its like having nothing. Eating a piece of cheese tart was already considered a luxury for me. As i got older, i realize that i need to do something about my life. Growing up watching my classmates having fun and get to do what they want, its sort of a little depressing but I understand my circumstances very well. That's why i don't like asking money from my folks. Even when my friend asked me to hang out with them, its either a can do or stay at home like i always do. No need to ask about my social life since i don't really experience much.

The thing is, recently, i had a talk with my mother about continuing my studies. I recently finished my degree and for the very first time i wanted to actually do something i want. Not something that my folks expected me to do. Three years ago i gave up my one and only dream to learn medicine and healthcare management. It broke my heart completely . I understand that the reason was they also do not have any financial means to help me. That i accept and so began my road of broken dreams. In the end i took the degree that i hated the most (something that they want me to do).

Three years later, i finished my degree and was thinking of furthering my studies. The thoughts of learning medicine and healthcare management still lingers in my head. It never left. I got the chance to learn them first hand when i was undergoing my internship at a local hospital a few months ago. I remember the time when my supervisor as well as some of the lecturers from the faculty frowned upon my place of choice. I don't care. Why the healthcare sector? they asked. Some say it's like walking in a lion's den and signing a death contract but to me, it's not really. It's another exciting thing in life waiting to be explore.

Being a person that likes challenges and can work under pressure, everyday was exciting. True the workload wasn't easy. Majoring in other degree besides medicine or healthcare management, tackling the work was a struggle itself. But, because its something that i love, I was able to learn everything in a short span amount of time. As days go by, there was always something new to learn and explore. I got lucky... I was content and lucky enough to be able to learn everything that there is to know about the hospital, how a hospital works, how it runs and how the management of the hospital was managed. I was happy and I never felt so content with everything. Simply to say, I fell in love the idea of healthcare management and medicine even more.  I like working in the healthcare sector.I always knew i was destined for this type of profession and i found what i want to do and my dream job.

After i finished my internship, i took the guts and expressed my feelings to my folks about taking a second degree but something related to healthcare. As usual, the pep talk begins and i do have to say, some of it were right but some were just plain negative talking. At the rate that this family was going, we don't have money or any other means. My brother and sister are starting their semester early this month and the their fees are not cheap. To stay alive, they did a few business such as selling food from door to door at their hostel. I use to do that during my diploma days just to get by.

I told my folks that i will get a job first and save for continuing my studies later. The thing is, they do not understand. They said that i need to come back to reality. Good Lord...I'm not crazy mom, dad. I'm still that sane daughter of yours okay. They want me to stay home and find work here and if i wanted to continue my studies, they want me to study at the local university here as well. How can i achieve my dreams if they're too afraid and don't want to let me go and explore the world? They're always nag me to explore the world and achieve my dreams but when i do they protest and says that i should just stay home and find work here. Majoring in healthcare and medicine IS my dream and i really, really want to do it. Just because they didn't get to achieve theirs that doesn't mean that they have the right to destroy mine. They destroyed my life once and I don't want to be like them NO!

I'm torn with achieving my dreams and what my folks want. I don't want to upset them but i don't want to give up my dreams either. For once, i want to achieve my goal. The broken one, the one they told me to forsake.... 

If it's about money they're worried about, I can work my way hard in order to save up or even apply for scholarships. I'll do what it takes to fix our financial issues. Nothing is impossible and nothing is unattainable. There's always a way. One just need to know the right road to take. I know they're worried and all but how can i grow if they don't trust me to do things by myself? How can i make them understand? For once, i really want them to support me in this...

It's been a long day and i'm so tired. Literally, my brain is with all the thinking... 
till next time. (-_-.)....

Ya Allah, Engkau lembutkanlah hati kedua-dua ibu dan ayah... 

Moga redha mereka terhadapku mampu membuatku mencapai impian yang dikehendaki....

19 days,10 months & 2 years...

Have you... i mean., really... really find yourself getting attracted to someone you've just met in a span of five days in total? You don't know what's their name or who they are yet in your heart when you see them... you feel as if you've already met them for a long.. long time...

Crazy isn't it? .... or is the definition of crazy might just mean something else here? Hmm... I don't know...  I can't tell... Can you actually fall for someone at first sight?

As the story goes... You met this person at an unlikely place to think that you can find love but yet again there you are.... with them. 

I guess being attracted to someone and being in love with someone are two separate things. When liking someone, you feel happy and calm upon seeing them. like a friend for example. But, when you're attracted to someone, the feelings are a bit mixed up like something you never could think of. Yes, it made you cannot think straight. 

I don't want to call it love though because this kind of thing is complicated. For some unknown reason, you found yourself attracted to them. Whatever they do seems to be attractive in your eyes. You're attracted to their sense of humor, their beautiful personality. The way they treat others, the way they treat you. 

Then comes the getting to know part. You want to know everything about the person you're attracted to. What they do during their past time, their hobbies and all that. Now here's something unusual can kick in. If you're a hardcore stalker to the bones, then its better for you to stop or things can get ugly. But if it's for the sake of getting to know them, then i guess its okay to move on.

Oh, then you suddenly found out that their preferences matched yours!.... rather perfect actually. As you sit in one corner of the bed thinking (while staring at the ceiling or walls whatever counts) should you go and make your move? You always try to at least strike up a conversation. one word or two is fine. You wanted to be their friend. that was enough. You try to avoid being seen smiling like an idiot when in their presence (even if they don't notice you being there).

Then, reality kicks in saying that a person like you will never be able to fit in with those type of person.... No, no. There's completely nothing wrong with you whatsoever. its just that... you think too much plus you started to lose your confidence much to your displeasure but then again you did lose your confidence. And so, in the end opportunity slips away from your fingers. 

Oh, well... in life there are times we are lucky and there are times where we'll end up  the worst down the list of shame. In the end, you decided to forget and move on.... and so love slips away...

... 2 years passed ...

The fact that you still can't forget about them... does it mean that you actually falling for them?... for real?... What should you do? you asked. Should you go halfway across the world and find this person back... or continue your life the way it is now? 

You don't have the answer... Your heart says go but your mind says no... You don't really know... You feel like crying because... you miss them. yeah... you started to miss them. literally like all the time... Still... you found yourself cannot do anything about it. in the end you  only ended up missing them from afar... 

The only thing that keeps you holding on to this love of yours is through your prayers... 

If the love between you is meant to be... 

love will find its way back to you. 

no matter how far two people are separated, 

if its meant to be... 

they will be together again...

Of life before and then for the future...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day To You Dear Readers...

It's been a while since i last write something in this half empty blog of mine. Well, earlier this year I've been rather busy with my final year project and all. In the middle of the year, i', battling by making a thesis as well as presentation. Alhamdulillah, i managed to pull it through with good scores =) (Thank god)...

Looking back at everything so far, its been a great and bitter sweet journey for me. I owe it all to Allah... The good, the bad, and everything else.... There are reason why things happen and its purpose is something we might not actually understand now, but in time, we will...

I am, safe to say right now actually, in my final semester for degree. For the past three months now, i am undergoing internship training at a local healthcare facility. To tell you the truth, my qualifications are nowhere near medical. Its more toward management actually. Why a healthcare facility of all places my supervisor asked? Let's just say that i am making up for the things I've lost along the way. A lot of my classmates picked a company or organization that pays. I on the other hand, was the only one that didn't.

Originally, i didn't pick the degree that i'm doing now but i actually set on a health management related degree. I only had to change it because my parents sort of forced me. Oleh kerana tak mau ingkar dengan Ibu Bapa, i did as they told me to.

For once, i want to do things I want and not my parents or anyone will stop me... and, i'm glad i managed to do it... i did it.

Life at the healthcare facility isn't boring but it its not exactly entertaining either. It's a bit of a both really. There are days where its a happy day and there are days where you just get the blues. Well, being an intern i don't really get to do much except to assist the officers in charge to do various management related things. The reason is there are also things that outsiders are not meant to touch or do. Confidential stuff. How am i to write my log book if i don't do any work? Well, my solution is easy, instead of waiting for work to come to me, i will find the work. From there i try to learn as much as i can. At the same time, i have another final report to finish and a system to be made.

Good thing I managed to create an easy system for the department i was attached. I was lucky enough as well to learn from the experts and other staff from other department as well. If i can't do much work here, I will learn by asking questions. To me it's okay to be stupid for five minutes rather than being ignorant for life. Internship isn't only about learning new things or gain knowledge. The experience you get is priceless. I learned a lot from it. Other than that, the joy of helping people and to see their smiling face... it's priceless.

I'm fascinated with the healthcare world be it management and medical and the experience i gain was more than enough. I also get to see how things work and handled and how a healthcare facility is run. People here work together as a team and  as a team, we are acquire to achieved the goals of the organization. The more i learn the more i am fascinated by the things around me here. I don't really mind people calling me peculiar for smiling and in awed of just practically about everything all the time. I don't mind becase... I'm where i want to be.

I never felt this way before. It made me question of all the things that i do for the past few years. Why did i chose this degree? why didn't i follow what i wanted? I know what i wanted....Some things are just meant not to be answered. Now, is not the time to wonder but a time for intervention. I'm not getting any younger and at least before i die i want to be able to do something that i'm glad to be able to do. I don't know what the future holds but what I know is that if i don't do something about my life, it's a dark thought just thinking about it. I thought of getting another degree but in healthcare. The road is tough but this is something i'm willing to take a risk. Financial issues was one of the reason i had to let go of the degree that i was meant to take. I'll worry about that one later but for now, i have future to seize!

My days at the healthcare facility are numbered... the more i try to resist everything, the harder it was for me to feel to let go. I'm in love with everything about healthcare and i'm glad to be able to experience first hand just about everything. I'll never stop learning. InShaaAllah, One day, if it's the will of Allah, i will return...  not as a patient though, but as a worker. That's the dream... Amin...

Please pray that may all goes well for me....

Happy Chinese New Year 2016

To those  who are celebrating Chinese New Year, (^_^)

I wish you and your family a very Happy Chinese New Year & Happy holidays!!. May this year brings you blessings, good fortune & joy 

smile emoticon smile emoticon smile emoticon

Sometimes...

Sometimes... i wish you know feeling of what i went through the last 18 years... 

I may not be the  person that fits your taste in an ideal woman .. still...No one wants to be an option either....  I may not be proud of my past but i am grateful to everything in the present and want the best for my future..

That's why I'm stepping back away from you. Though it's painful but i believe in Allah and His plans for me. All in all, i'm grateful that i can meet you once more in this life. Even if you don't know me anymore, I never did forget about you. I wish you all the best in this world and the hereafter... May Allah bless you and your family...

Till then...

Restriction....

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone...

Ever wonder if you are actually doing the right thing in life?

I do... lots of time... countless...

As I countdown for the coming of the last month of the year 2015, i cannot help but think of the things that i have achieved so far.... so far... none...

for nearly 8 years my life has been prepared for me and i have to do what i am told to do, literally all my life....

To tell you the truth... i don't like it. I don't like it one bit....

Ever since i started this road i felt like i'm beginning to be something that i don't want to... It's like living in my diploma days.. again.... I hate it. In fact, i'm restricted to do the things that i want to do. I'm passionate about the things i know i can do better and good at. Sadly, my folks & family are not the supportive type of people. Whenever i try to do something I want they held me back. What are you guys afraid of? I'm not doing something illegal. I'm doing something that i love and passionate about. Is that so weird? It's not, its call creativity and innovation. I don't care. I love doing it. Even if it kills me I love doing it and if Allah wills it for me, i want it to be a career.

All my life i have to do what they want. I know they mean well but don't they think that i ought to choose this path in life for myself instead of them meddling literally in almost every choices that i make. In the end I became insecure and ended up doing what they want me to do instead of doing what i want. They expect people like me to be like all the smart, classy and elegant type of youngsters. Study a good degree and get a good job that will give you money. What they don't understand is not all of us have gifted brains and not all of us are lucky in life. I have bad, horrible, no good days almost every day.... It sucks... (-___-)...

Because of all of that... I feel tired to the part that i am lost. Not lost as in the streets but more to lost in life... I don't know what to do anymore and which road i need to take...  I'm in my 6 semester to my agony an extended student.

I am so tired of them telling that I should, no, i must do this, i must do that. I feel like i'm living a life that is not mine. Mother, Father.. i know you mean well but i think i am very much grown up to do my own decisions. I am no longer a little child but a grown person. it make me sad that they don't trust me the way i trust them....

Watching all my fellow friends and acquaintance graduated, get a job as well as do what they love and success at it make me feel so envious of them. All my life my parents never really did teach me how to live but only expect me to do what I am told.

Don't you guys understand? i cannot do that. The thing is, too long i follow what you want and for goodness sake, I had to give up my own dreams. I have dreams and i have hope in it. I want to be successful in doing what i want to do. I know so because its something that i am happy to deal with and i know that it will be successful. With Allah's help and guidance, i know i can achieve something great.

At least before i reach 30++ i want to do something that i know i can do well ... I just wish they understand... not turning me into something that I don't want to be...

I overcome many things till i got this far all because of you... Because i don't want to disappoint you i ended up disappointing myself and did not do well in the end. I fail hideously... I felt i'm beginning to suffer from depression day by day. My dream is starting to feel like it's slipping away. I don't want that! I too want to be happy and led my life the way i want it to be. All i want is to do what i want instead of what you want.

Don't you want to see me happy?
Don't you want to see me successful?

I wish you support me..

I wish you understand...

I wish you let me do what i want to do...

I wish you give me your blessings..

but most of all...

I wish you pray for the best of me as i pray for the best for you...

On Writing... You Gotta Love Em...

Let the pictures speak...

One of the songs i like to hear whenever i write. Ambik feel sikit hehe. I like the tune anyway. 

When i write i always put on my earphones and listen to the music to get the feeling. I guess most of my writings are influenced by the songs that i hear.... you can say its like a muse or something. :) :) 

My biggest dream is to be able to at least to finish writing a book. I have tons of stories line up but so far, i don't really know how to finish them. Arrgghh!! writers block (-__-)... Go away...

I love being a writer... 

that's just about it... 

I like words than numbers... 

i love the way how a story or simple writing can get you to sit down and read. 

I love it when i have a good cup of tea whenever i'm writing ( time puasa je jangan ok)

I love to learn about writing

My brain thinks too much that i have to put them on paper... that's writing too

There's still a lot of things about writing i need to learn

I'm open to new opportunities and knowledge about writing

so long as it is appropriate and can contribute to the good of things and others

...I want to be a writer...

...And that's what i want to do....

...Moga dipermudahkan Allah semua urusan...

Till then dear readers...

Shoes Pack For Travel

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone (^_^)...

Today I’ll be talking something a little bit different.I want to tell you about shoes! Well, we women of course love shoes. In fact I can tell that there are some girls that when they go to the shopping mall the shoe section is the first place to go. (My sister is one of them) My destination would probably be the dessert store... Haha. Just kidding. Shoes, like any other accessories are probably the most important thing to a woman. They can spend hours just thinking which is the right shoes for them. It’s like picking which ice cream flavor is your favorite. I always have issues in buying the right shoes because they just look so nice.

Anyways, if you’re an avid traveler, take trips during the weekend or just want to release some stress, or your job requires you to move around a lot? If you are among those categories you should definitely read this as it might come in handy. Women are known to have too many shoes and the problem is that sometimes it is hard to decide which shoe to pair with which clothing. Okay, since you are packing your suitcase every time you are going to travel, your selection of shoes are crucial especially as you do not want to go overboard or too simple. For the ladies who have no clue what appropriate footwear that are perfect to be carried along on those travel trips, read below the three must-have shoes to pack.

Flip Flops or Sandals

I love sandals and flip flops. They’re so comfortable and great to wear. A lot of the students in my campus like to wear them when they go to class. They match the clothes that the students wear and they can come in many great designs fit for any occasions.  It does not matter if you are going to the beach or not, a pair of flip flops or sandals is a must-have. This is because when it comes to time for you to unwind, let your feet breathe in those sandals. Walk around the town nearby your hotel and feel comfortable.

High Heels

To tell you the truth, I never wear high heels much(due to body weight… my feet can’t take them) but during some special occasions, I do. So yeah, people always say to leave the high heels at home but that depends on the places you visit or the activities you plan to do. In fact, you can wear high heels anywhere too. For example, if you want to hang out or dine at the hotels fancy restaurant, the high heels is mandatory. Opt for a versatile colour which can match with any outfit such as black, silver or white. If you are a fashionista or you like to experiment with colors then be my guest. It’s fun to mix and match. You never know what you might discover along the way. Hmm… better get this weight of mine fixed to the very least I can see myself wearing high heels.

3.    Slip Ons

This has got to be my favorite. My sister once bought a red slip ons and it turned out great with her outfit (she likes to mix and match clothes).You may never know when it can come in handy but it surely is comfortable than high heels and more stylish than flip flops. Some of the boys in my class like to wear this type of shoe because it is easy for them to move around. In fact, you can go anywhere wearing slip on and still appear appropriate. Pack those ballerina flats or loafers and feel confident the entire trip. When you go for a trip let’s say for a week or so this is the best one you can use. It’s comfortable and easy to put on.

Flip flops, sandals, high heels or slip ons, are just some of the shoes that you can use to travel. But most importantly that you have to take an account is that the shoes you wear on your pretty feet serve its purpose. That is of course make you feel comfortable with what you wear. High heels might not be the best when you go to the beach and if you wear slippers like flip flops to a fancy restaurant  you might be the center of attention, in which my dear readers means the glare.(0_0) as big as the eyes can get. That’s why it’s important for you to know the right shoes to wear. In a way I do believe that the shoe does complete a woman. Her touch that is. I remember from a quote from a story (I can’t remember the title of the story though) it says that...

...good shoes will take you to good places...

Here’s a link of a few of the selection of shoes that you can check out.

Till then dear readers =)

Final Examination Countdown.......

Assalamualaikum & Good Day everyone (^_^) 

After a long.. long... long hiatus, i managed to open this blog of mine and write to my hearts content. well, actually write something. haha.. 

things have been very hectic and busy to the fact that i felt drained but i wouldn't let that stop me from finishing my works. As a student to me my duty is more to my studies. Gah! i can't wait for the semester holidays to come. The best part is that Ramadhan month is comingggg (^_^)

..

Mudah-mudahan kita sempat dipertemukan dengan bulan yang mulia ini. I don't hope for anything much except the forgiveness of Allah SWT. Looking back on the things that happen in this semester, I felt a lot of changes going through. For the better or worse, i don;t want to judge. Ambil yang jernih & buang yang keruh. I became more aware of the responsibilities that i need to do here at home and in campus as well. 

Final examination is around the corner. As the students in my class use to say, the nearer the end of lecture week comes, the stress level also shoots up. With last minute presentations, assignments, quizzes and test all over the schedule its a no wonder everyone becomes cranky and go all incredible hulk. Yep, it's normal... lagi-lagilah yang kena dengan member yang x cun punya orang. How to survive the few last weeks of class? well, there's not much to say. It depends on a lot of things on how you cope with it actually.

The only advice and tips i can give is:

Number 1

Don't worry about other things that are bringing you down. Worry first about the critical task and works you need to finish on the spot. Even if it means breaking a few hearts (though i discourage any of you to take that measure. still work is work) DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! its a taboo in my dictionary to procrastinate on a job or related task. Even if you think you can do it alone, still  i suggest go and get help. Work with your team. Don't work against the flow. Get them to understand and finish what you guys have started. Though it doesn't look good but its the right thing to do. if they still don't understand, then do your thing.. (punch them in the face for all i care!... or just report to the lecturer) (use that only in the last result). It's your marks you have to do something about it...

Number 2

Its not about taking people down to get up or be smarter than the rest. Its about handling responsibilities with total action. Don't talk or nag but you yourself don't do the work. I see a lot of the students like this. in the end i'm the only one doing the work. It's the last week and everyone's cranky and stressed up. You have to keep your composure and remain at least calm. Bawa banyak-banyak2 zikir and istighfar. Doa banyak-banyak supaya dipermudahkan Allah semua urusan. Its not good to fight over things. People can be difficult to handle sometimes but that doesn't mean that they can step on you. You have to be fair and remind them of their responsibilities.  Negotiate with them in a good way that will give both parties a win-win situation. 

Number 3

Each individual is different and so is their capacity to handle things. I believe that all people are unique in their own way. Some are born smart while some struggle for excellence but failed multiple times (macam aku je... haha. just kidding). Allah has His ways when He wants to teach us. I learned that the hard way. When you start your journey in anything that you do, remind yourself back why you started it in the first place and why you want to finish it. You will see the bigger picture... look back to the objectives... I like challenges sometimes. During the meeting of the freshmen last year in Kem Permai, i did a lot of obstacle race. At first i thought obstacle race... huh... how am i going to get pass that? With a little help, i managed to overcome it all and dared myself to do something that i thought i wouldn't do like climbing a 3 feet obstacle. (I'm afraid of heights) God, i don't want to remember that.. yet it feels nice that i can accomplish something. So should you... no matter how hard the task is, you can do it. Have faith in yourself and Allah... You never know your potential until you try. =)

Number 4

You can't expect things to be perfect. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but they also have the power to change that. The choice is in their hands....Learn from experience. Now i have been teamed up with people who are worse than a group of orcs that tries to attack Dale... A lot. It's a good thing i know their moves and so with that i use it to my advantage. You cannot change people but you can certainly help to make them realize that if you still act like a crap you are not going anywhere. That's why it is important to choose your members of the team wisely. Still if we end up with problematic people its not the end of the world, just not yet. You have to play the key role as the leader and do your part to guide them. Don't let them step on you or boss you around. Instead you are going to set things straight. You can voice your opinions but not to the extent to break hearts. Tegur dengan cara yang berhemah. In time they themselves will come to understand. Be mature and set a good example to them. They soon will see that they too want to succeed. Still you can't change people but you can be a great example and help others to achieve success...

Well, i guess that's just about the ramble. Things are a little cloudy from where i stand but that won't dampen my spirits to strive for success. Life can be difficult but with a little bit of hope and faith in Allah and in yourself, InShaaAllah... you will make it through. =) =) Believe in Allah and believe in your strength. You cannot change the past but you can certainly change the future and that all starts by living life to the fullest here, in the present... Till then dear readers =) 

Wasalam...

P/S: I may not write for a while because i am sitting for my final exam soon. InShaaAllah, i'll try to write when the semester holiday comes... =)

New Semester... New Challenges...

Assalamualaikum & Good day....


It's the third week since the start of a new semester. I'm officially a part 5 student. (^_^) Well, not much has been going on except that this semester is a little more tough that i had imagine it to be. As much as i hope that this semester will be another fruitful one, i somehow doubt it.

Not getting a hostel is one of the problem yet that doesn't bother me so far. What really bothers me is the things that follows. Because there is no hostel for all degree students (except the new students that just entered) i had to commute from home to the campus. it is a hassle as much as it is time consuming because from where my grandparents house is situated it took us nearly thirty minutes or more. if you're lucky you can get there in less than thirty but if there's traffic jam, well... wait in line. not to mention the fuel consumption that really needs managing. (-_-'')...

Money is another root of all evil. Everything is pricey. Now that my father does not work anymore my mother becomes the breadwinner of the family. It pains me so much to see her like this but i can't do anything because i am still a student and still have a year more to go. Everyone says it's easy but in reality it is absolutely not.

Class is another thing. This semester one of the subject involves with academic visit or more to say a class trip. I already cannot afford to go for the class trip because the price is more than i can afford. I told the chairman who organizes the trip that i cannot go because of financial issues. well, another 20% marks lost. The trip cost more than 5,000++ nearing to 10,000. (0_0)... yikes. the activities though is fun, but some of it, i don't think its relevant. bonding and such are not really my kind of thing.... especially that.

I don't want to go anyway. Don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like being around people but some people around me have issues. I respect them in any way, but i don't think some of them are friendly. When they look at you, i can see it clearly in their eyes that they have this sort of disgust look on their faces. They much prefer to be with their own clicks. Like i care...  I'm not a fan of clicks in fact i hate that the most. I get along well with people and I accept them for who they are. Even if they have the worst of history because i still believe that there is still good in them somewhere inside. I get along well with some others classmates of mine and i really appreciate their help and guidance. May Allah bless them. :)

Since i can't go to the trip, i have to make up something to gain 20% of my marks back. Not to worry though, i can still make up for the exams and assignment. I nearly lost hope to the fact that i wanted to quit my degree and help mother. Still... she would scold me if i take that path. she at least, want me to earn a degree before i can work. (sigh) guess, i'll stay then..(relieved)

Anyways, i'm thinking of doing something or more to say venture into some businesses. I talked about this matter to my twin sister and she said its a good idea. The both of us are going to brainstorm on what business that we want to explore and look into it much deeper. I hope that all goes well. i really want to help my mother. Once you're in your twenties, don't think of getting a comfortable life because there ain't one. It's the time to get up, take responsibility and be independent. Explore more opportunities and do more what you can to gain experience.

My father? i don't care much about him since he can take care of himself. he's the source of my family's misery if you ask me... I don't want to talk about it since talking about it makes me feel like i can turn into the incredible hulk at any moment and i can throw all the computers here in the computer lab outside. Don't want that to happen. I'm patient and i will try learn to control my anger. especially when i am around him.

Well, i can't write much since i'm using the campus computer and there's limit to the time on how long i can use the lab. hope there's no class after this in here. at least i can stay in longer to do some research for a while. till then dear readers... :)

CHRISTINA PERRI - JAR OF HEARTS

CHRISTINA PERRI - JAR OF HEARTS

No, I can't take one more step towards you

'Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love

I loved the most

I learned to live, half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

I've learned to live, half-alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?

Runnin round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed

'Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?

Runnin round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are

You are what you read...

Coretan Hati...

At the bus stop... everyday at the bus stop

Between you and me, I've always been stuck listening to these two songs. I guess it's the song for this semester then.  whenever i got out of the hostel as walk along the pavement until i arrive at the bus stop (where the students use to wait for the bus to come) either of these songs pops in my mind and i eventually ended up listening to it on my phone. Sometimes, i also listens to it while was waiting for the bus to arrive at campus's bus station. Anyway, i kinda like em. =) 

(Romanization)

kkaman bamhaneure

nunbusin byeolbichi muldeulmyeon

nae mamsok byeol hana

sumgyeodun keudael keurijwo

I don’t know why nunmullo keudael jiwonalsurok

jeomjeom seonmyeonghaejineun keudaen.geollyo

Don’t go away gin bam jinago haessal bichulttae

nae sonkeutte geudae on.gi jeonhaejigireul

My everything My destiny

jakkuman na.ui mami keudael hyanghaneyo

nuneul tteumyeon deullyeojwoyo

nal saranghandan keu mal sweet melody

I don’t know why nunmullo keudael jiwonalsurok

jeomjeom seonmyeonghaejineun keudaen.geollyo

Don’t go away gin bam jinago haessal bichulttae

nae sonkeutte keudae on.gi jeonhaejigireul

My everything My destiny

jakkuman na.ui mami keudael hyanghaneyo

nuneul tteumyeon deullyeojwoyo

nal saranghandan keu mal sweet melody

I’m in love with you

I’ve never felt this way

keudaen anayo ireon nae sarangeul

You’ll stay in my heart

Forever more

bami deryeo.ol nae.il na gidarilkeyo

nuneul tteumyeon deullyeojwoyo

nal saranghandan keu mal sweet melody

(Translation)

When the dark night sky is painted with shiny stars

The star in my heart paints a picture of you

I don’t know why

The more I cry you away

You become more clear

Don’t go away

When the night passes and the sun rises

I hope my fingertips can feel your warmth

My everything, my destiny

My heart keeps longing for you

When you wake,

please tell me that you love me

sweet melody

I don’t know why

The more I cry you away

You become more clear

Don’t go away

When the night passes and the sun rises

I hope my fingertips can feel your warmth

My everything, my destiny

My heart keeps longing for you

When you wake,

please tell me that you love me

sweet melody

I’m in love with you

I never felt this way

Do you know how I feel?

You’ll stay in my heart

Forever more

I can’t wait for tomorrow the night will bring

When you wake,

please tell me that you love me

sweet melody

~Fated To Love You OST~

(Romanization)

ireohke joheun nal saramdeul moyeoseo utgo jeulgeowohaneunde

nunmuri heureugo honjaman apaseo neol saenggakhae

amudo mollae andwae keureohke neol swibge itneun.ge

mianhae neo eopsi nan motsal geot gateunde

meokjido jajido mothae

uljido utjido mothae keurae

ireohke joheun nal uri he.eojin nal

useo boryeohaetjiman keuge jal andwae

gwaenchaneun cheok aesseo noryeok hae bwado keuraedo nan

ireohke joheun nal

uri he.eojin nal

chama boryeo haetjiman keuge andwae

haessari neomuna balkeun nal ireohke joheun nal

ireohke apeunde neo ttaemune apa ulgo keuriwo haneunde

useul su eopseoseo honja mannamgyeojyeo neol saenggakhae

amudo molla neon wae keureohke swibge tteonatneunji

eotteohke na eopsi jal sal suga itneunji

harudo itjireul mothae

mae.il nan neoman saenggakhae keurae

ireohke joheun nal uri he.eojin nal

useo boryeohaetjiman keuge jal andwae

gwaenchaneun cheok aesseo noryeok hae bwado keuraedo nan

ireohke joheun nal

uri he.eojin nal

chama boryeo haetjiman keuge andwae

haessari neomuna balkeun nal ireohke joheun nal

(Translations)

On such a good day, people gather and enjoy themselves

Yet I’m the only one in tears, thinking of you with pain

I can’t fool everyone, forgetting you so easily

I’m sorry, I can’t live without you

Can’t eat, can’t sleep

Can’t laugh nor cry, no…

On such a good day, the days when we are apart

I tried to fake a laigh but it didn’t work

I tried hard to pretend everything’s fine, but it didn’t help

On such a good day, the days when we are apart

I tried to hold back the pain, but it didn’t work

On this sunshine-dappled day,

Such a good day

Because of you, I’m in pain like this

Crying and thinking of you

When I think of the way you left me

I can’t even smile anymore

No one knows why you could leave me so easily

How do you live withoug me?

I can’t forget you, even for a day

I think only of you every day, yes…

On such a good day, the days when we are apart

I tried to fake a laigh but it didn’t work

I tried hard to pretend everything’s fine, but it didn’t help

On such a good day, the days when we are apart

I tried hard to hold back the pain, but it didn’t work

On this sunshine-dappled day,

Such a good day…

~Doctor Stranger OST~