To the important person I come across in life…

The first time we met was at an unlikely place to find love. The second time we encounter each other you saw the worst state of me. Yet, you’re not bothered by it. I guess that’s what I like about you. After that I never saw you again. Four years later, our paths come each other across once more. I thought I had strayed into a dream but it turns out this moment… was for real. One glance changes everything… I tell Allah that it’s okay that I don’t get a chance to talk or… be friends with you. I just want to see you...

Allah works in many mysterious ways and His plans are unknown to us. All in all, I am glad to see you again. My days were numbered and I know time here to where you are is limited. Every day, I prayed to get the chance to see you… whether it was during lunch break or going back from work. I wanted to get the chance to know you and probably talk to you. Well, that moment never came. Who can tell what goes on in the future… I rest my love to Allah.  He knows what’s best for us than we know of it ourselves. You and I were from different backgrounds and faith. It broke my heart. Still, the feeling never left. The day for me to leave arrived. I searched for you… hoping to get the chance to see you again. For one last time… I don’t know if there will ever be the chance for me to see you again and to tell you so here it is. You had me at the second time four years ago. You never have left my heart ever since.

Though you never noticed me, I was always there… praying for you. To me, you were the best thing that happens in my life and I’m glad to be able to meet you again and fell in love with you. Meeting you again, I was able to learn the meaning of love and letting love go… Love is a peculiar thing… yet, it becomes the thing that everyone desires. If it was meant to be, love will find its way back to you. If it isn’t, then pray to Allah that may your heart be at ease…. My dear, I hope you found what you’re looking for and I pray that May life treats you well… I wish you all the luck in the world… I pray that may both of us get the love and happiness we deserve.

Should… your path connect with someone else… I pray that may she loves you more than me. Although I might not be the soulmate that Allah chose for you, I hope the woman whose gonna be your soulmate never makes you sad. Love is all about responsibilities and connection. Love her with all your heart and learn to accept the good and the bad things about her.  Support each other during the worst of times, the good times and the happiest of times. 

May Allah bless….

Of Broken Dreams...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day Everyone...

Funny how things goes around in this world. If you want to start something you gotta have a backup plan. In other words, your financial status needs to be well, top notch. Truth is, whenever you want to start a business, continue your studies and all, you need money.

I came from not to say poor but not that rich either family and i know what its like having nothing. Eating a piece of cheese tart was already considered a luxury for me. As i got older, i realize that i need to do something about my life. Growing up watching my classmates having fun and get to do what they want, its sort of a little depressing but I understand my circumstances very well. That's why i don't like asking money from my folks. Even when my friend asked me to hang out with them, its either a can do or stay at home like i always do. No need to ask about my social life since i don't really experience much.

The thing is, recently, i had a talk with my mother about continuing my studies. I recently finished my degree and for the very first time i wanted to actually do something i want. Not something that my folks expected me to do. Three years ago i gave up my one and only dream to learn medicine and healthcare management. It broke my heart completely . I understand that the reason was they also do not have any financial means to help me. That i accept and so began my road of broken dreams. In the end i took the degree that i hated the most (something that they want me to do).

Three years later, i finished my degree and was thinking of furthering my studies. The thoughts of learning medicine and healthcare management still lingers in my head. It never left. I got the chance to learn them first hand when i was undergoing my internship at a local hospital a few months ago. I remember the time when my supervisor as well as some of the lecturers from the faculty frowned upon my place of choice. I don't care. Why the healthcare sector? they asked. Some say it's like walking in a lion's den and signing a death contract but to me, it's not really. It's another exciting thing in life waiting to be explore.

Being a person that likes challenges and can work under pressure, everyday was exciting. True the workload wasn't easy. Majoring in other degree besides medicine or healthcare management, tackling the work was a struggle itself. But, because its something that i love, I was able to learn everything in a short span amount of time. As days go by, there was always something new to learn and explore. I got lucky... I was content and lucky enough to be able to learn everything that there is to know about the hospital, how a hospital works, how it runs and how the management of the hospital was managed. I was happy and I never felt so content with everything. Simply to say, I fell in love the idea of healthcare management and medicine even more.  I like working in the healthcare sector.I always knew i was destined for this type of profession and i found what i want to do and my dream job.

After i finished my internship, i took the guts and expressed my feelings to my folks about taking a second degree but something related to healthcare. As usual, the pep talk begins and i do have to say, some of it were right but some were just plain negative talking. At the rate that this family was going, we don't have money or any other means. My brother and sister are starting their semester early this month and the their fees are not cheap. To stay alive, they did a few business such as selling food from door to door at their hostel. I use to do that during my diploma days just to get by.

I told my folks that i will get a job first and save for continuing my studies later. The thing is, they do not understand. They said that i need to come back to reality. Good Lord...I'm not crazy mom, dad. I'm still that sane daughter of yours okay. They want me to stay home and find work here and if i wanted to continue my studies, they want me to study at the local university here as well. How can i achieve my dreams if they're too afraid and don't want to let me go and explore the world? They're always nag me to explore the world and achieve my dreams but when i do they protest and says that i should just stay home and find work here. Majoring in healthcare and medicine IS my dream and i really, really want to do it. Just because they didn't get to achieve theirs that doesn't mean that they have the right to destroy mine. They destroyed my life once and I don't want to be like them NO!

I'm torn with achieving my dreams and what my folks want. I don't want to upset them but i don't want to give up my dreams either. For once, i want to achieve my goal. The broken one, the one they told me to forsake.... 

If it's about money they're worried about, I can work my way hard in order to save up or even apply for scholarships. I'll do what it takes to fix our financial issues. Nothing is impossible and nothing is unattainable. There's always a way. One just need to know the right road to take. I know they're worried and all but how can i grow if they don't trust me to do things by myself? How can i make them understand? For once, i really want them to support me in this...

It's been a long day and i'm so tired. Literally, my brain is with all the thinking... 
till next time. (-_-.)....

Ya Allah, Engkau lembutkanlah hati kedua-dua ibu dan ayah... 

Moga redha mereka terhadapku mampu membuatku mencapai impian yang dikehendaki....