19 days,10 months & 2 years...

Have you... i mean., really... really find yourself getting attracted to someone you've just met in a span of five days in total? You don't know what's their name or who they are yet in your heart when you see them... you feel as if you've already met them for a long.. long time...

Crazy isn't it? .... or is the definition of crazy might just mean something else here? Hmm... I don't know...  I can't tell... Can you actually fall for someone at first sight?

As the story goes... You met this person at an unlikely place to think that you can find love but yet again there you are.... with them. 

I guess being attracted to someone and being in love with someone are two separate things. When liking someone, you feel happy and calm upon seeing them. like a friend for example. But, when you're attracted to someone, the feelings are a bit mixed up like something you never could think of. Yes, it made you cannot think straight. 

I don't want to call it love though because this kind of thing is complicated. For some unknown reason, you found yourself attracted to them. Whatever they do seems to be attractive in your eyes. You're attracted to their sense of humor, their beautiful personality. The way they treat others, the way they treat you. 

Then comes the getting to know part. You want to know everything about the person you're attracted to. What they do during their past time, their hobbies and all that. Now here's something unusual can kick in. If you're a hardcore stalker to the bones, then its better for you to stop or things can get ugly. But if it's for the sake of getting to know them, then i guess its okay to move on.

Oh, then you suddenly found out that their preferences matched yours!.... rather perfect actually. As you sit in one corner of the bed thinking (while staring at the ceiling or walls whatever counts) should you go and make your move? You always try to at least strike up a conversation. one word or two is fine. You wanted to be their friend. that was enough. You try to avoid being seen smiling like an idiot when in their presence (even if they don't notice you being there).

Then, reality kicks in saying that a person like you will never be able to fit in with those type of person.... No, no. There's completely nothing wrong with you whatsoever. its just that... you think too much plus you started to lose your confidence much to your displeasure but then again you did lose your confidence. And so, in the end opportunity slips away from your fingers. 

Oh, well... in life there are times we are lucky and there are times where we'll end up  the worst down the list of shame. In the end, you decided to forget and move on.... and so love slips away...

... 2 years passed ...

The fact that you still can't forget about them... does it mean that you actually falling for them?... for real?... What should you do? you asked. Should you go halfway across the world and find this person back... or continue your life the way it is now? 

You don't have the answer... Your heart says go but your mind says no... You don't really know... You feel like crying because... you miss them. yeah... you started to miss them. literally like all the time... Still... you found yourself cannot do anything about it. in the end you  only ended up missing them from afar... 

The only thing that keeps you holding on to this love of yours is through your prayers... 

If the love between you is meant to be... 

love will find its way back to you. 

no matter how far two people are separated, 

if its meant to be... 

they will be together again...

Of life before and then for the future...

Assalamualaikum & Good Day To You Dear Readers...

It's been a while since i last write something in this half empty blog of mine. Well, earlier this year I've been rather busy with my final year project and all. In the middle of the year, i', battling by making a thesis as well as presentation. Alhamdulillah, i managed to pull it through with good scores =) (Thank god)...

Looking back at everything so far, its been a great and bitter sweet journey for me. I owe it all to Allah... The good, the bad, and everything else.... There are reason why things happen and its purpose is something we might not actually understand now, but in time, we will...

I am, safe to say right now actually, in my final semester for degree. For the past three months now, i am undergoing internship training at a local healthcare facility. To tell you the truth, my qualifications are nowhere near medical. Its more toward management actually. Why a healthcare facility of all places my supervisor asked? Let's just say that i am making up for the things I've lost along the way. A lot of my classmates picked a company or organization that pays. I on the other hand, was the only one that didn't.

Originally, i didn't pick the degree that i'm doing now but i actually set on a health management related degree. I only had to change it because my parents sort of forced me. Oleh kerana tak mau ingkar dengan Ibu Bapa, i did as they told me to.

For once, i want to do things I want and not my parents or anyone will stop me... and, i'm glad i managed to do it... i did it.

Life at the healthcare facility isn't boring but it its not exactly entertaining either. It's a bit of a both really. There are days where its a happy day and there are days where you just get the blues. Well, being an intern i don't really get to do much except to assist the officers in charge to do various management related things. The reason is there are also things that outsiders are not meant to touch or do. Confidential stuff. How am i to write my log book if i don't do any work? Well, my solution is easy, instead of waiting for work to come to me, i will find the work. From there i try to learn as much as i can. At the same time, i have another final report to finish and a system to be made.

Good thing I managed to create an easy system for the department i was attached. I was lucky enough as well to learn from the experts and other staff from other department as well. If i can't do much work here, I will learn by asking questions. To me it's okay to be stupid for five minutes rather than being ignorant for life. Internship isn't only about learning new things or gain knowledge. The experience you get is priceless. I learned a lot from it. Other than that, the joy of helping people and to see their smiling face... it's priceless.

I'm fascinated with the healthcare world be it management and medical and the experience i gain was more than enough. I also get to see how things work and handled and how a healthcare facility is run. People here work together as a team and  as a team, we are acquire to achieved the goals of the organization. The more i learn the more i am fascinated by the things around me here. I don't really mind people calling me peculiar for smiling and in awed of just practically about everything all the time. I don't mind becase... I'm where i want to be.

I never felt this way before. It made me question of all the things that i do for the past few years. Why did i chose this degree? why didn't i follow what i wanted? I know what i wanted....Some things are just meant not to be answered. Now, is not the time to wonder but a time for intervention. I'm not getting any younger and at least before i die i want to be able to do something that i'm glad to be able to do. I don't know what the future holds but what I know is that if i don't do something about my life, it's a dark thought just thinking about it. I thought of getting another degree but in healthcare. The road is tough but this is something i'm willing to take a risk. Financial issues was one of the reason i had to let go of the degree that i was meant to take. I'll worry about that one later but for now, i have future to seize!

My days at the healthcare facility are numbered... the more i try to resist everything, the harder it was for me to feel to let go. I'm in love with everything about healthcare and i'm glad to be able to experience first hand just about everything. I'll never stop learning. InShaaAllah, One day, if it's the will of Allah, i will return...  not as a patient though, but as a worker. That's the dream... Amin...

Please pray that may all goes well for me....